In every-day life there are a number of things that you must do – like breathing. Just saying! And there are a number of things you could do – such as going to work. There are also things that might be good for you to do, like going for a walk with your dog.

All good so far. But, tacked on to that list – all too frequently, and easily – are all those things that we ‘should do’. And I’m not convinced that we should allow those ‘shoulds’ to have so much influence over our live,s because doing something out of an obligation reduces so much of the joy we can experience in our lives.

I don’t know about you, but that sounds a tad heavy!

It should be time for bed by now! Or is it…

Have you ever been sitting thinking that you should get your children to bed?

It’s a noble goal, and children without boundaries will not do well as they move through life because life is full of boundaries.

Sleep is great – we need a good amount every day. But, if you only send your children to bed ‘because you should’ then you are simply ending your day with them out of guilt, and that is just not a healthy way of saying goodnight.

Culture definitely has a part to play here. In the UK, bedtimes can be almost religiously enforced by parents because of the school day. That is a sensible goal – their teacher will not thank you for sending your children to school tired. However, as I recently learned, in Italy children can frequently stay up way past what might be considered a suitable British bedtime, because time with family members is considered far more valuable and important.

There’s nothing wrong with enforcing a healthy bed time, but let’s do it out of an abundance of love, not guilt.

I remember hearing someone declare “shouldn’t these children have left for their groups by now?” I remember feeling incredibly sad that that person had showed such disdain for the children being near them. I didn’t understand it at the time, but that word ‘should’ can be pretty harsh as a motivation for anything.

A bedtime routine might be unhelpful!

Before you wonder where I’m going with this, fear not ‘cos I’m just repeating something I recently heard an expert talk about. Because it makes sense to calm children down before bed. Of course it does, unless it doesn’t…

It turns out, if you someone with certain sensory issues, calming down before bed is actually counter-productive. Because, as this expert explained, certain sensory issues will lead to a better sleep if you’re still running and spinning around just before you get into bed.

And that is the problem of the ‘shoulds’.

What we should do can lead us to just go through life feeling washed out while life rushes past us instead of living the life we have before us.

Andy B